and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
