took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
