The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
