My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
