Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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