Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
