help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
smell my finger.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
