then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
