Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
