Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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