so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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