Don't make out with my wife yet
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
