You're so nebulous sometimes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
