Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
