I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
