If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
