I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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