She said her name was "party"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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