Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize