I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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