spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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