I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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