So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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