Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
