"it" just moved
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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