i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
