I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
