He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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