is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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