Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
love makes seman taste better
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
