He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
