I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
