Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
