chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize