Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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