He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
