I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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