Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize