Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
