she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
