# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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