the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
