Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
