I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize