I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
