I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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