I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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