My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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