How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
