His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
