My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
