never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
