i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
