I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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