That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We talked him into tasing himself.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
