just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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