Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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