I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
