oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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