yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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