i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
