It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
