btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize