Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
