On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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