There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
