How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize