I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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