Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
