if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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